Psychology Today: If I Make Money, Can I Control How It’s Spent?

I often see couples where one partner makes the money while the other takes care of the kids. While these roles have been slowly changing over time, still to this day, it’s more common than not that the former is the husband and the latter is the wife.

But regardless of who makes the money, the question still remains: does the person who makes it get to exclusively control how it’s spent.

The obvious answer is NO. But some “breadwinners,” if you will, make the mistake of falling into the mindset that since they make the money, they have the right to make the financial decisions. In this scenario, the wife (typically) ends up filling the role of the child caretaker, is not seen as a financial contributor to other members of the family, and is therefore discounted. On the other hand, the wife ends up primarily making the decisions for the children, making the husband feel left out this time.

When a couple falls into this cycle, it’s important to try to keep the following in mind.

Use the communal approach

A communal approach to financial decisions and parenting is optimal for both familial bonding and connection between romantic partners. When couples are on the same page, and on the same line in terms of the spending, it’s clear that they are planning for their life together. Making decisions as a family and for your family, including children, should always be done with equal consideration for each member of the couple, regardless of who makes the money; or more money.

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